Confessions of an ex-atheist - Psychoanalysing myself

The first question that popped into my head after my first ever experience with God (which, to prove how powerful God is, was on a senior high disco retreat) was “How do I know that this isn’t just some psychological trick that my sub-conscious is playing on me because I am too weak to deal with the hard truth? This was a question that haunted me for the first couple of years of my Christian walk. How do I know? At times I would be convinced that I was playing tricks on myself and that I needed t quit, sometimed I didn’t care because my life was obviously improved and I was just a utilitarian after all (which bothered the snot out of me, sort of an internal yin and yang playing tug o’ war), but the I realized something. I was asking the wrong question and I needed to just stop. How was that any more intellectually satisfying? Well let me explain why it is the wrong question. If your watch is broken and one of the gears decides that the watch needs to be fixed, it does not help if that gear climbs out of it’s spot to tromp around inside your watch trying to find the problem because now one of the major problems is that the gear is out of place, it is out trying to fix the problem when the problem is that it is out. Our mind is part of us and it is supposed to be working in harmony with the rest of us. If we let it wander around banging on things with a wrench, then we will never work properly, because our mind is out of line. When I quit asking that silly question, I realized something else. The psychologist who was telling me that I couldn’t trust myself because I was only acting the way that I was conditioned to act was only saying that because he was conditioned to say that, and since you can’t trust a conditioned action, (so he insisted) then I can’t trust what he is saying. And if I can’t trust what he is saying then I don’t know if my actions are untrustworthy after all. Realized that if he was right, then he was wrong, and if he was wrong then he can’t be right, and if he isn’t right, then he is wrong. As I said before, my problem all along was that I was asking the wrong question.