Confessions of an ex-atheist - the Problem of Reepicheep

When I was a child, thanks mostly to my father and mother (and to some extent a government program called Tesera) I filled my time with the reading of books. But not lame books like the time machine, great books like the chronicles of Narnia, King Arthur and the nights of the round table, the hatchet, and the hobbit (I remember at the time thinking that Bilbo’s trip home was longer than necessary; I have since changed my opinion). In the sixth grade, because I had decided on physics as my future occupation, I became an Atheist. From sixth grade until my conversion in the tenth grade I held just about every intellectual theory close to my bosom for some short period of time. I was an evolutionist, an existentialist, a materialist, and even a Marxist. For a time psychology held sway, then biological determinism, then multiculturalism, but at some point along the journey I realized that I had lost Reepicheep. He was no longer on my side. Imagine Reepicheep in a confined space for any period of time with someone that says things like Karl Marx “A prostitute is more valuable in a society than a housewife.” He would run him through and no one on the Dawn Treader is going to stop him. Or Freud “No little mouse, you are wound up because your Id desires to sleep with your mother” Not only would no one stop him, everyone would cheer when Reepicheep sword spilled Freud’s blood all over the starboard deck. This was disconcerting for a junior higher. I was loosing my hero’s so that I could say ridiculous things like, “Multiple partners is our animal instinct, I mean come on, its just mating.” And you just do that because your older brother was always stealing you lime light, and besides, if it makes you happy, it can’t be that bad.” I new that Arthur wasn’t saving a seat for me at the round table. This is one of the things that kept me wondering about Jesus; Reepicheep, Arthur, and Bilbo all seemed to need Him to make sense. I new that I was half-hearted (at best) about everything that I did. I was slipping away from what I wanted to be, someone that Reepicheep would respect.